Family meals provide calm during stormy teen years

Parents who think they can pinpoint when their teen’s life went off the rails are often surprised to learn how wrong they are.

Venture Academy therapist and clinical director Connie Buckle says parents will often point to a teen’s drug use or criminal behaviour as the problem when in fact it is merely a symptom of a much deeper problem.

“We ask parents when the difficulty first started and in almost every case it wasn’t something that started last weekend or last month,” Buckle said.

It’s much like a pot of boiling water; something that progresses slowly over time.

Buckle says it’s essential that families reattach with one another.

“The secret is very simple: families spending quality time and being mindful while they're doing it,” she says. “This means when families are having dinner, for example, they are connecting and engaging through conversation as opposed to watching television."

"Parents need to plan regular time as a family unit, focusing on relationship building. This cannot be done at the same time as checking email, using the blackberry or catching up on work. Similarly, it does not take place while a child is engrossed in video games or on the computer."

Buckle says families without rituals like family dinners have no opportunity to come together in one central place for any reason other than one involving conflict.

Human Development Professor Reed Larson agrees consistency and predictability is key during the often-tumultuous teen years.

Lawson says when possible it’s best parents postpone major life changes until after the teen years. His study shows teens inundated with transitions and stressful life events – like moving to a new home or city – were the most moody.

“If a move to a new home or city or change in the household, like an aging grandparent moving into the home can wait, things will probably be easier,” he said in an article posted on 24/7. “If the home is a place that’s filled with hassles, it will only make living in the same house more stressful for everyone.”

Host Families Key to Venture Academy’s Success

Candi Rowney has yet to meet a troubled teen she couldn’t help and if she ever does then her days as a host parent for Venture Academy will be numbered.

“I look at every teen who comes into my home as in need of, and deserving of, help. If I didn’t then I wouldn’t be doing my job,” Rowney says. “They need assistance to learn new and better ways to face their challenges and manage their difficulties.”

Rowney is a veteran host parent who provides troubled teens with a safe, controlled home environment where they can learn to live with rules and boundaries designed to help them recover from problems that may include drug and alcohol addiction. Her role, as a member of the Venture Academy team, is to provide a stable environment where youth can establish healthy behaviours and routines.

“My job is to help them make better choices and improve their behaviour and to do that by communicating with them at a person-to-person level,” she says. “I don’t take things personally and I don’t get offended when they get mad at me because they came here for those reasons and it is my job to help them deal with issues in a new, more constructive way.”

Rowney provides youth with a loving but structured environment where they can reestablish a healthy routine that includes eating well, doing chores, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep.

A key component of each teen’s treatment is the development of an attachment plan focused on developing bonds with Venture Academy staff that will eventually be transferred back to the parents.

Clinical Director Connie Buckle says having teens stay in private homes with trained host parents is key to rebuilding attachment and working towards sustainable change.

“When we look at kids who’ve come from homes where they’ve experienced a lot of conflict we find they are often more peer oriented and disconnected from family,” Buckle said. “What we do in our host family homes is focus on building relationships and attachments and then lending that attachment back to the child’s family when they return home so they can have a better relationship and thereby less conflict.”

Rowney says most teens come to realize their parent’s rules and expectations were actually reasonable. Once that happens, Rowney works on building adult-teen bonds that will eventually be transferred to the parents.

“These kids have disconnected from the positive adults in their lives and what we do is build a bond that they can then transfer to their parents as they work on rebuilding a new more healthy relationship,” she said. “The key is not my developing a bond with a teen. It’s transferring that bond back to the family.”

Saying goodbye to the youth she cares for is both the best and the worst part of the job, Rowney says.

“When you have youth coming into your home who are in trouble or having issues and they come in with their head down and they walk out with their head up, that says it all,” Rowney says. “There is nothing more rewarding than watching them go home, take accountability and take charge of their own life.”

Legal But Lethal – Cough Medicine Abuse in Teens

An ingredient found in many cough and cold remedies is finding its way into the hands of teens intent on using it to get what is described as a cheap dissociative high.

Dextromethorphan (DXM) – a synthetic ingredient found in more than 125 products including Vicks Nyquil LiquiCaps and Dimetapp DM – is increasingly being misused by teens with ready access to what is a legal drug available without prescription.

“When abused, dextromethorphan takes on qualities of a dissociative drug,” the Canadian Council on Drug Abuse explains in literature to parents and others. “This means that it produces feelings of detachment in a person, as well as distorting a person’s perception of sight and sound.”

A 2008 study found that one in 10 American teenagers has used products with DXM to get high, making it more popular in that age group than cocaine, ecstasy, LSD, and meth. And although DXM products are considered safe when taken as recommended, high doses can cause side effects that include blurred vision, numbness, heart attack, confusion, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, anxiety, and poor coordination. Longer-term effects are not fully known but are believed to include depression, liver problems, psychosis, and learning and memory problems.

What Can Parents Do?

Start by talking to your teen about the dangers of abuse and the fact that over-the-counter medications are as dangerous as street drugs.

Experts like Celebrity Rehab’s Dr. Drew Pinsky say parents need to include cough medicine abuse in drug-abuse conversations with their kids.

“Make sure they understand you do not approve of any sort of substance abuse behavior and that they understand the risks of medicine abuse,” Pinsky is quoted as saying.

Keep DMX Products Under Lock and Key

Treat products with DMX like the potentially harmful substances they are. Clean out your cabinets and store all medicine in a safe, locked location where you can monitor how much is in each container.

Watch for Signs of Abuse

Pinsky says it’s important parents recognize that DMX abuse is a problem that affects teens of all kinds – not just troubled teens.

“Parents may think, `not my teen,’ but one in 10 teens report having abused cough medicines to get high and 28 percent know someone who has tried it,” he says.

Signs of Abuse to Watch for Include:

• Empty cough medicine boxes or bottles in the trash of your teen’s room or backpack
• Boxes or bottles of medication missing from the medicine cabinet
• Changes in friends, physical appearance, or sleeping or eating patterns
• Loss of interest in hobbies or favorite activities
• Hearing your teenager use slang terms associated with DXM abuse including Dex, Skittling, Tussing, Robo-Tripping, Triple Cs, Poor Man’s Ecstasy, Red Devils, Rome, and Sky, to name just a few.

Additional information on DMX abuse including tips on talking to your teen about its use and abuse, are available online at StopMedicineAbuse.org.

Help for Troubled Teens Just a Phone Call Away

A frantic parent picks up the phone to call the toll free number she’s had written in her daybook for weeks. She dials, hangs up, and then takes a deep breath as she tentatively dials again.

“I’m at my wit’s end,” she tells the kindly voice at the other end of the phone. “My teen is out-of-control and just won’t listen to anyone. I don’t know what to do.”

Gradually the all-too-familiar story unfolds about a teen in trouble and a family in despair. “Please tell me more about your program,” the woman says. “Tell me it’s not too late. I’ve very worried about my daughter’s safety and about her future.”

Venture Academy’s Susan K is that reassuring presence at the end of what is often a lifeline for parents at the breaking point. She listens intently while asking questions intended to uncover the real issues and concerns.

“As the Director of Admissions I provide reassurance and offer an empathetic ear to parents at their ‘wit’s end’ – a phrase that many parents use to describe how they’re feeling,” she says.

“I lend perspective and help parents determine if the behaviour their teen is exhibiting is normal or problematic – which is what a lot of parents need help figuring out,” Susan says. “Parents phone saying ‘I just don’t know what to do anymore. Our teen’s behaviour is ruling our house and tearing our family apart.’”

Susan says teens who come to Venture Academy can be highly intelligent youth who have untapped potential. She says most have become peer entrenched or have adopted a lifestyle that is often times destructive.

“It’s normal for teens who have gotten into trouble to be remorseful. What’s troublesome is when a teen’s behaviour becomes destructive and they stop caring or wanting to change. When parents see destructive behaviour escalating or their child becoming out-of-control then it’s time to be proactive and seek professional help,” she says.

Susan’s experience with youth has been a life-long passion. She has a wealth of professional and personal experience dealing with troubled teens including years spent working with youth in the classroom setting, as a mentor and coach, and in a private school setting. She is a certified body mind nutritionist, a master graduate with Rapport Leadership International, and is completing her International Coaching Federation certification.

Susan is passionate about positively impacting youth and has dedicated her professional development to helping youth realize their greatness. "I absolutely love what I do and what I love most is the positive energy generated when the entire team is working together to help families reconnect."

Education Key to Preventing Teen Inhalant Abuse

Parents vigilant about educating their child about drugs and alcohol could inadvertently be supplying “drugs” powerful enough to kill the first time they are used.

Surveys conducted in the US and Canada reveal that huffing (or inhalant use) is becoming one of the most widespread problems in North America and may be as popular as marijuana.

The National Inhalant Prevention Coalition says youth are quickly discovering that common household products are inexpensive to obtain, easy to hide, and the easiest way to get high. More than one million people used inhalants to get high last year and it is believed that one in
five students have experimented with inhalants by the time they reach grade eight.

In Canada, the Canadian Pediatric Society has stated publicly that it is “extremely concerned with the practice of inhalant abuse among children and adolescents,” and has recommended the dangers associated with it’s use be better publicized and included in substance abuse prevention programs.

Interestingly, it is not just troubled teens that become users. A study of teens aged 12 and 13-year-olds conducted by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration found inhalants to be the most reported class of illicit drugs used in the past year.

Inhalant Abuse Defined

Also known as huffing, solvent abuse, sniffing, bagging, and glue sniffing, inhalant abuse is the intentional inhalation of gas or vapours for the purpose of achieving a brief period of euphoria.

Inhalants are common products that can be deadly when misused. They include more than 1,000 products including correction fluid, air-conditioning refrigerant, felt tip markers, spray paint, hairspray, pressurized air, air freshener, butane, glue, shoe polish, gasoline, contact cement, and cooking spray.

Effects on the Body

Inhalants are depressants that slow down the body’s functions and produce an effect similar to that felt while under anesthesia. Users may experience slight stimulation, feelings of lessened inhibition, distorted perceptions, nausea, vomiting, slurred speech, and a loss of consciousness.

Users can also suffer from Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome – which means a user can die the first or 100th time they use an inhalant. Other effects include damage to the brain, kidneys, heart, liver, bone marrow, and other organs.

Inhalants are physically and psychologically addicting substances with withdrawal symptoms that may include hallucinations, nausea, excessive sweating, hand tremors, muscle cramps, headaches, chills and delirium tremors.

Advice to Parents

•Read labels and ensure all poisonous, flammable, or volatile substances are clearly marked with a cautionary message. Store potentially poisonous or intoxicating products in a locked cabinet if necessary.

•Talk to your child about inhalants before they become a problem. Explain that inhalants are not a drug, but are a dangerous poison that could cause sudden death.

•Never put a volatile substance in an unlabeled container, even temporarily.

•Explain the dangers associated with inhalants and supervise their legitimate use, such as the application of nail polish. Explain that the fumes from nail polish shouldn’t be inhaled and that polish should be applied in a well-ventilated room away from flames.